Oct 15th 2011: I Got The Chance but I Didn’t Get The Heart

i always hide my feeling. no, not really. i like to share everything with my friends. and suddenly i have a crush on him. yes, it felt so good while i knew that he is one year younger than me and he’s my junior. i barely knew him while he didn’t even know me. no, not at all. and so i decided to keep it inside my heart. let it grow, but never tell it who’s the person. let it grow stronger, but never show it the reality. and later, i’ll let it die.

a couple of months passed, and i didn’t even have a time to think about him. since it was just a crush i thought that my feeling has come to its neutral zone. until one day, on Saturday, October 15th 2011, there was a big art event in our school. and suddenly crossed to my mind to ask him to take a picture with me. “since, i’m in my final year, it such a waste to miss this opportunity. by the way i think it’s quite normal to have a one-clicked photo camera in such a big event with our junior. but how?”

finally, a asked his friends who are also close with me to ask him. and there he stood in front of a little tree, and ready to take a picture with me. i was so ashamed, my face burnt but my heart felt like numb. it was the feeling when your heart beats so fast until you can’t feel it beating anymore, you feel it numb. my hands were frozen. i became a ‘stutter’. i didn’t know which pose that would best cover me. i became totally numb with my burnt face. “click”. 3 times, they took our pictures. when it done, i didn’t even say ‘thanks’ to him. i ran to my friend, i hugged her tightly and said “shame.. shame.. shame.. i am so ashamed!” as she laughed at me. i was so ashamed yet i was feeling so delightful, happy, terrific… nothing could cross my mind since then but him.

the next day, and the next day, and the next day, we act like nothing’s happened, we even hardly meet each other . it’s not a big deal actually. but i wish i can know him deeper..

but i’m still happy this way cause i know he’s around.

“When there is love, you can live even without happiness.” – Dostoevsky

– Friday’s story: I Got The Chance but I Didn’t Get The Heart


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