promises promises

maybe this is the hundred time i tell you that i am a uni-student wannabe.

since i was in primary school, i am a not-so-bright-student, and yes until now. one thing that makes me look powerful than all my family members is, i am very smart in speaking since i was in kindergarten. but it was not something that made my mom proud, because sometimes i could hurt someone’s heart by twisting the facts.

and yes the ability in speaking was never help my grade at that time. my report book from year to year always end up WITH no FLYING COLORS on it.  but my mom never give up. she always supported me, when i was little, with magical sentence: If you…… , You will get……

yes, it’s not a taboo anymore. almost every mother do that to their children. no one say it is wrong. but is it good to take that ‘action’ frequently to their children?

i remember when i was hospitalized because of typhus. my mom said to me “If you eat and can get out of the hospital soon, you will get a new teddy bear” she promised to me,  and i was very excited at that time, and finally i wanted to eat. fortunately she didn’t break her promise. But eventually my mom got addicted to this game, and she made another promises, If you….., You will get…..

but as time went by, sometimes she forgot her promises while i had been spoiled by my mom’s sweet promises. so i keep saying If i…., I will get…. so, everything i did, was just for “i will get……” i didn’t do it with my entire heart. and of course my mom didn’t have the heart to say ‘no’ every time i said “if i…..”. and in the end, when my mom couldn’t afford what she had promised, i got angry. yet, i was spoiled even worse. and now when i think about that, that was no good for my future. and somehow i feel like it has been proved.

it become a habit between me and mom, she promised to me to buy me a DSLR camera if i could get into university of Indonesia. and i couldn’t deny it (of course!!). but now, when i am writing this, i realized one thing, my mom wasn’t wrong, she always want the best for her children. and i am not a child anymore. i am seventeen. therefore from the bottom of my heart i really want to go to university of Indonesia. If i can’t get accepted there, i will be sad. and if i can, i will be happy and proud. even though that camera can’t be mine if my mom break her promise. yet if she doesn’t, i’ll consider it as a treat.

We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.  ~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld

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