a letter to future-me

Hey Tyara, i’ve been reading a lot of things these days. those good reads. yeah, now i really think that i’m really weak, like totally weak. reading their writing made me feel like i’m letting myself down.

i’ve been 17 for 7 months 14 days, which in Indonesian culture, age 17 is the time when you have stepped to the next stage. the stage where you should think of your future, and you should throw away your childish habits. and what makes these all seem worsened is i’m a 3rd grader. final year in high school. i should’ve been thinking about anything related to you, yeah you, future-me.

but, i’m here to help you, as i advise you to read this when you feel like the world is not fair or when you feel like you have taken this world.

i really want to go to University of Indonesia, you know that. and i really wanted to take English Literature. One day, i read a book which told me that if i wanted to enter English Literature major, i have to keen on reading. so follow that advice, i read a novel, two novels, three novels, until i read a travelogue, and i really love that one! so i admitted that i love traveling stuff, but i actually never experience traveling. i was so curios, what makes his/her traveling story seem so wonderful? the writing! Life Traveler by Windy Ariestanty was the first travelogue that i read. and, windy is an editor. so i assumed that she’s very good in writing that’s why her book is so interesting. at that time i thought that i should start writing. i want to get people attention, so i started this blog. i also read Marcella Purnama’s blog. she’s amazing, and a true inspiring blog writer. she’s the one who made me believe that i also can be a good or even a great blog writer. but dear future-me, you should never give up. never give up on anything! never give up on something that you like. and  keep writing because i know that you enjoy it so much. i know that one of your dreams is be a good travel writer like Windy. so, go make it come true and don’t just dreaming like Eno said.

and hey, i know that you have a talent which not many people know. i know that you’re good in drawing. you even tried to paint Van Gogh’s starry night painting. and how did people react toward it? they were amazed! they appreciated it! you have that talent even though you are not officially trained by a true artist. you trained by yourself. you just have to sharpen it. you wanted to pour all your inspirations into it. not all of  your friends when you were at school has the same great talent just like what you have. some of them just like to count number and turn it to another countless number (Again), and it’s so not you because you don’t like numbers since you were early in primary school, you realized that but your mom didn’t want you to miss the basic counting rules, so she signed you to enter a math course at age 6 (if i’m not mistaken). but you couldn’t stand that so you out. but don’t worry, you were still great in counting until 6th grade, good in counting until 9th grade since then, but unfortunately very weak in counting since went into high school, and you worsened it with choosing science class at 11th grade, so you suffered a lot. all your friends looked so smart and you looked so weak, you started to not believe in yourself.

ehm, stop talking about you, let’s talking about myself again. i am now so confused. i feel like now am still like a kid. i am so selfish. i know that i have to think about my parents a lot. i am the youngest child, and my parents are no longer young. my father is near his pension time. yes, it’s about financial thing. i have to get into Uni of Indonesia so they  can be proud of me. when i can get into there, i believe that financial thing wouldn’t be a big matter. to tell you the truth, i really want to enter major of communication and take public relation program right now. i want to be a successful person. i want to live a good living in the future. not at glamor one, but the living which can bring me nearer to Allah, and can also bring me the comfort of living itself. with my Mr. right, and my beloved children.

i really want to be a good wife, focus on my career while taking a good care of my family. i want to cook for my family. and make my parents proud to have a daughter like me, so maybe they can forgive my faults in the past. i want to be a travel writer. i want to decorate my own house. i want to be an editor, i want to be a radio broadcaster, i want to work in a big company which will be counting on me so much. and the last one, i want to be a great mother.

Love,

17-year-old Tyara

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